5 Reasons Why People Claim They Love You But End Up Settling With Someone Else In Marriage
We have heard these stories several times and in fact most of us have also had a first hand experience of someone claiming they love us but a scant month later, they get married to others. To say the least it can be frustrating and annoying. For some ladies this kind of situation leads to depression, jealousy which might lead to bitterness and resulting to death.
But why does this happen? Why exactly do people do this? I am sure you read this exact situations on the social media or probably in your yard, where a guy just wastes a ladies time in the name of dating her for years, then in two months he just jumps ship and marries another.
So what causes people to have “the one I loved versus the one I married”?
Often times couples who love themselves discover too late that they cannot marry each other because of their genotypes. This is because most people just focus on the feelings they have in the pit of their stomach, and this clouds their mind and they cannot make sound decisions at the right time.
So, it is important that people lay out the pros and cons before getting emotionally attached to each other. This can happen through communication. Asking vital questions before the relationship gets serious. It helps prevent a lot of heart aches.
2. Cultural Differences:
I am sure you know that whether we like it or not, our African lineage and parents have a say when we are getting married. Sometimes a guy loves a lady and takes her to his parents, and the parents seem to love the lady until, they discover she is from a tribe that they are at variance with. This cultural differences and non-acceptance of people due to where they come from has caused a lot of persons to get married to people they do not love. They result is a high rate of divorce and separation among couples.
A remedy to this, is to get rid of the stereotype we have concerning people from a certain background and judge a person based on what you see about them, and not on a long line of ancestors.
3. Belief/ Ideals:
It is one thing to love a person, it is another thing when it comes to ideals and beliefs. No matter how much we want to, we can say that we cannot automatically take away the place of sharing the same belief system with a person we want to spend the rest of our lives with. In fact, this is key, if a relationship is going to last. Sharing the same beliefs and ideals about life, can reduce disagreement being that you have an understanding that stems from having the same “belief system”.
4. Temperament/ Character:
I am melancholic, she is melancholic too. We cannot be together. She is out going, and I do not love going out. I love my wife to be with me always, etc. The list goes on. Some persons cannot marry themselves because their temperament will not allow them to.
A person who is often angry cannot get involved with another who matches his temper. If one person is lighting the house up with fire, the other should be able to quell the flames that their partner has started. This is important if people do not want to have a dysfunctional home. And even though love is a very important factor when it comes to choosing a partner, so also does temperament. Although, this can be remedied if the partners have an understanding.
5. Social Status:
We watch in Nollywood movies, how a socialite would go to the village, and his heart beats for a seemingly homely village girl and then he reforms her. Then somehow he is able to persuade his parents to allow him marry his love, then Viola! They get married and live happily ever after.
However, this is a far cry from reality.
In most elite societies, the Joneses must be married to people like them. The person you love, somehow must be profitable to your future. In terms of business, politics or status in the society. Anything other than this might not be acceptable by the individual’s family or community.
When choosing who to marry, I believe that the most critical reason is medical incompatibility. The rest can be remedied if both parties come to an agreement and seek to find a way to stay together through marriage. However, nothing should be forced. At the same time, adults should seek their happiness and know what they want. If the reasons from family about them getting married is not sensible enough, then the choice is in their hands though they should always seek peaceful path to thread because the blessings of the parent is vital. Wisdom is profitable to direct.
Photo Credit: Vanguard