4 Reasons You Get Hurt By Your Lover’s Excesses
We all know that love is not a head matter but a heart matter. It is very easy to let go of thoughts, and just shrug it off, but when it comes to matters of the heart, it is a different ball game altogether. When someone takes something to heart, feelings are involved, this is why people are affected deeply when they lose someone they care about or when their business goes down, why? Because they have taken those things which they see as valuable to their hearts.
Now, what does love mean to lovers? When two people fall in love with each other, their partner’s business becomes theirs, they want to be found in each other’s affairs, always in one another’s face. Their actions, thoughts, ideals and principles seem to align with each other, although they may be slight differences, this can be tolerated because they love each other.
Now, why do the bad actions of lovers hurt so deeply;-
1. Because You Value Them:
To some people having someone to love and cherish is an achievement. They have their most prized treasure. This person they love is very valuable to them and as such, they do not take anything for granted when it comes to relating with their lover. Because of the value they have placed on their lover, a misunderstanding or an act of betrayal from their partners/ lovers would hurt them deeply because this is where their value or worth is. Their heart treasure is in their lover.
2. They Have Our Secrets With Them:
When two people care about each other, they are open. Nothing is hidden between them. One will not deliberately do something to hurt another. In the incidence of a misunderstanding, where the actions of one hurts the other, the affected partner would be hurt.
Sometimes it may come from the fact that their partner knows a secret about them which no one else knows. And this secret might be the cause of their actions, and when something happens and they flop, they expect a cheer up from their partners and not a less credit. In the event of this happening, they become hurt as a result of their partner not acting better.
3. Because You Are Vulnerable To Them: when it comes to a relationship, there is something called trust which leads to you being open about your strengths and weaknesses. You bare yourselves to each other as people in love. Showing all your imperfections. And oftentimes, no one knows you better than your partner. The dependence on them causes vulnerability.
So when we are hurt from them, it’s more than a family member stepping on your toes or something. It is more like your world crashing down, being that you have built one around yourself and your lover.
4. They Are Your Emotional Bank: whether you like it or not, every human has an emotional bank. Someone or people who they draw strength from. Someone they can run to with all their problems and can say comfortably, that so long as this person is around then you are okay. People that can advise them or can listen to them
Some persons can find these attributes in different persons, others are lucky to find it in the person they love. They build their world around their lover such that every advise or opinion from their lover is taken at face value.
In a situation where their partners hurt them, some people do not know who to run to because they have always come through for them.
Now this is where it hurts the most, the fact that the one person who can understand you, is no longer available for you. Although it is important that we have someone to rely on, we should not place all our value or dependence on our lover. Should in case they get our heart broken, we can find strength within ourselves to have a comeback.
A little advice here is, do not outsource your entire value to your lover, no matter how much you love them.