You remember the first time you fell in love and nothing else mattered? It was all about spending the rest of your life with this person. There were butterflies in your stomach and your eyes lighted up anytime your favourite person was around. The world seem to halt when they were around. And how you wanted this person, to spend more time with them and be alone with them without a third person distracting.
And then it happens, you both realise you share the same feelings and then you got into a relationship. You began dating and things seem to be going well. The first year, second year and the third year. You begin to notice that apart from love making, there is nothing solid about this relationship. In fact, you both do not care now if your partners go out to meet others. There is no commitment, no goal, no direction. And you just go with the flow with nothing to show for it. Then you begin to ponder some questions; “but where is this relationship headed?” “Am I sure I am not wasting my time?”
The above scenario is a typical example of most young folks in love. To them a relationship is all about sharing feelings and nothing else. They say “we love each other, and nothing else matters”. Well this stays true, until they feel they are being used and begin to have a wrong notion about relationships all because the right things were not done first.
But here is something that can be done, as early as possible. Something that can always remedy the situation and remove the tag that “relationships or love is a scam”. If you are in a relationship with someone, and you are unsure about the ship you are in, and you certainly do not know your position in that relationship, then it is important that you halt Take a break and ask questions. Life is short, but oftentimes decisions make it pretty long, so it is necessary to take breaks and do some introspection.
The “where” is this relationship headed is a very pertinent question to be asked because;
- It brings a sense of awareness to commitment;- Some people hop into the train of relationship without wanting to commit, without wanting to be responsible. This question is a reminder to commitment, it makes people conscious about their actions knowing there are consequences.
- It helps in setting important goals which serves as guidelines. After awareness to responsibility, people are spurred to set goals to guide them, so that they can accomplish something great, something worthwhile and have something to show for it as couples or individuals in love who care about each other.
- It reduces time wastage;- when this question is asked early. You can decide to back out early and not waste your time with someone who is not committed to you.
I have often heard people say they have been in a relationship with someone for as long as eight years, and eventually their partner backs out, leaving them frustrated and some people end up very bitter because they have spent their years loving up on someone who really did not care about them all because they did not or could not ask questions when and where necessary.
Listen, do not let anyone guilt trip you by giving a retort of “don’t you trust me?” When you decide to take the by the horn by asking where a relationship is headed. Do they want marriage? Or do they want to just have kids and move? What is their plan? It needs to be laid out.
Do not let the fear of loosing someone stop you from doing things and getting the right answers that are important for your life. If you loose someone because of your questions, then the person was not for you to begin with, be assured of this fact. Someone who has the same goals with you as regards a relationship will come your way.
And now, there is a question for us. Supposing we ask our partners this question and they give us clear answers without cutting corners about their take on the relationship and where it is headed.
Let’s say it is not what you want, like you intend to get married and want children but your partner does not want children. Will you be able to back out? Or will you be too afraid to loose the person when compared to living your dream?
A relationship is not something to loose yourself in, especially if it is not in line with what you want. Especially if it does not have a direction. Why settle in the name of a relationship when it is not in your favour? Why want to go the way of uncertainty when you can have a concrete plan that can work for you? If you are in such a situation where your ship is rudderless, you can stop the captain now and ask that you be let out. It is not too late. And if you are in a relationship that is all feelings, remember there will come a time when the feelings will be the least thing both of you will consider. Oftentimes it is the dreams and goals shared together that strings two people in love or who care about each other.
So today do the needful and ask the important question “is this relationship headed anywhere?”
photo credit: Create The Love