True Self-esteem Lies Within

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The need for validation has haunted a lot of individuals in this life. The quest to feel among and liked has often pushed some persons to extremes such that they indulge in one negative pattern of behavior or another. Gangsters, cultism, smoking, drinking and a host of other bad behaviors are attributed to a lack of basic believe and trust in oneself.

Self-esteem, being confidence in one’s self-worth and and assurance of one’s value and capabilities, has been a central issue when discussing human behaviour. A wide range of poor expressions by individuals stem from the lack of this self-esteem. Conversely, positive and progressive ways of living have also emanated from the possession of good self-esteem.

Thus, it can be seen that self-esteem moderates a significant number of other aspects of a man’s life. Therefore, the presence of functional self-esteem or the otherwise absense of it can determine the quality and value of a man’s life.


Clearly, there is no denying that the society we find ourselves is not a very supportive one. Many darts are being deliberately or unconsciously directed towards us as the seconds tick. Thus, one who does not have a firm grounding will be easy pushed to find succour and backing from others. This implies that such a person must try to blend and fit in.


Life does not treat everyone fairly. By commission or omission, everyone experiences one form of lack or another. At other times, we are bullied both physically and psychologically. Soon, we lose all faith in ourselves. We doubt our very existence and essence. Then, we start searching for our identity from outside. When this happens, we are at the edge of a valley threatening to trip over and fall.

It is no evil enjoying praises or getting accolades from people. The concern comes when we desperately yearn for this approval from society before we feel alright and satisfied. When we wait until our friends tell us we look good before we feel good and if they fail to make such remarks, we feel sore. When we feel unwanted because we were not invited for one hang out or the other. When we feel left out because everyone is doing a particular thing and we are not. These are danger signs which can take us all the way to rock bottom in our journey through life.

The definition of self-esteem does not give any room for extrinsic factors. It is independent of what others think or say. It is not connected to what is trending or the current waves traversing the society. Mimicking friends or society is not part of the trust or confidence in self.

We are solely responsible for how we feel towards the society. At anytime we slip and let the outside works determine how we feel about ourselves, we have completely lost it and in like manner, our self-esteem will spiral down.

Thus, for this moment, we all have to come to the realization that our self-esteem is our duty to build, sustain and protect. Waiting for friends, family or society to come and give us a thumbs-up is our indirect way causing a self-inflicted disaster. We may never truly find what we desire from the society. Our identities our unique and belongs exclusively to us. When we let other impose false identities on us, we thus lose ourselves and pave ways for our self-esteem to come plummetting down.

We are our only true friend. All other friends or family may leave us, but we cannot leave ourselves. Also, all we need to thrive and make exploits have been embedded in everyone of us. Therefore instead of going on a wild- goosechase to find ourselves and our essence, we sit back and build trust in ourselves and develop strong confidence in our abilities. This way, we will not wait to get validation from outside, but we will feel ok just looking inwards.

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