Love is a beautiful thing, a wonderful gift to us. One can say that it is one of the things that keep us sane in a crazy world like ours. But someone would pop a question that goes, “what happens if love hurts me so, should I stay?” You take a little step further to ask for clarifications what the person means by love hurting; so you would give the appropriate answer because you definitely know love does not hurt but people do. You get your answers when the person says their significant other is cheating on them. They immediately follow up on that statement by saying, they love the person and do want their relationship to work.
Well, that right there is very lovely; to want your relationship to work amidst the breaking of trust, amidst the cheating factor. After all, we have come to know that part of loving someone involves forgiveness and patience. But there is something else here, CHEATING. Yes, deliberately put up in bold letters because it is not something to be taken lightly and it has to be dealt with if it happens in a relationship.
Now, if someone loves you, the person is wired to wanting to protect you, has your best interest at heart and will not do anything to deliberately hurt you. If or when someone cheats on you once, we could surmise it to be a mistake which most of the times is not. Being that it is not a reflex action, that is by the way. But if they make it a norm to hurt you by cheating always then such should not be accepted.
Do not be emotionally blackmailed into tolerating cheating in a relationship with the lame excuse that the person just cannot change or that since you love the person you should stay amidst the whole facade. You should not let anyone do that to you. Be reminded that anyone who choses to make cheating a habit also can make “not cheating” a habit. And for the fact that the person decides to choose cheating, it shows what he values. Shows his priority and it definitely is not you.
Love involves respect, respect for oneself and respect for the person who you love. That fact alone is enough to keep anyone faithful. Why would you tolerate cheating because you love someone? Why would you even do that? Don’t you love yourself enough? And how well do you even see yourself, because everything depends on how well someone looks at himself/herself. That thing called self worth.
Knowing your self worth will make you not to just settle, it is a constant reminder affirming the fact that you are deserving of the best love possible, that you are deserving of love that comes with kindness, security, respect and trust. This gives no room for tolerance of a habitual act like cheating. It is an already set mind-set that repels anything otherwise.
But you say, does this include the fact that I love this person, I say a big YES. Here are a few reasons why cheating should not be tolerated in a love relationship;
Bitterness; there are cases where people will get jealous of the person their partner is involved with. Until they go out of their way to hurt the person or even their partner. It hurts when you see your partner with someone else, unable to hear the thought; they become very bitter and it makes them become terrible people.
Secondly; it is the idea of loosing oneself. This especially occurs if the cheating partner is one who verbally abuses or physically abuses them. They use words like you are too skinny, you are too fat, you are just too chocolate and too this or that. This piques the curiosity of the partner that is abused, they think something is wrong with them. So they go out of their way to do the things or become the kind of person their partner has portrayed for them.
Sometimes, they might even go and find out what is so special about the other person that has attracted their partner to them. Then they copy, everyday they become someone else, claiming different identities just to keep their partners home.
Love is a mutual thing, it is supposed to be an understanding shared. If one person is always at the receiving end, or one person is the one putting in the effort to make it work, then it is not love. It is a parasitic relationship.
Staying and tolerating a cheating partner is not going to help your mental or physical health. That task is draining and it is not going to help them too. They would probably think that nothing can be done about their situation, that cheating is normal and they most likely will not make an effort to change.
So, If you ask me if you should tolerate cheating because you love the person, my answer will be “No”. Even the Christian manual, the Bible gives authority for marriage to be dissolved in cases of infidelity. Consider this and equate it to relationships like dating and courtship, I think the point is clear.
Loving a person in this situation might mean walking away, so you don’t hurt each other. Loving the person might mean, booking therapy sessions. Loving the person might mean talking it out so you both can find solutions to it. Loving a person can be all of that, but definitely not tolerance to cheating, it does not in anyway help both parties involved.
photo credit: IndiaTv