Often times we are in a hurry to make assumptions about people based on what they tell us, what we see without getting to know them deeply. We see how nice they are at first glance, without much questions and possibly base our decision on what we think which in turn influences our behaviour.
Few days ago after my usual stressful day, I was up watching a show “ The Series”. I was attracted to the story line of this show as it directly express the subject of this article. So, I will love to give you a brief of this story.
A lady got hooked up by her married best friend, to this cute, charming, entrepreneur guy. However, her best friend who randomly talks about this guy had good intentions for both of them and was interested in “ the lady and the guy” knowing themselves, which successfully happen.
After some months and several amazing dates, they both got attracted to each other, the guy let out his feelings towards her. Meanwhile, she had just gotten out of a four-year old relationship and for some reasons was reluctant to enter another so soon. The guy in question was in a similar situation but never made it known to her he wasn’t interested in having anything outside friendship with her. Instead he was leading her on, promising her all the good things of life, how they will travel to places and all. He made her feel good, infact, this guy was everything any woman could imagine and dream to have, she felt safe with him. The connection between them was massive. She would start a sentence and he would complete it. She thought she had hit the jackpot.
Ultimately, she tried to keep things casual until she was sure about her feelings or know if they both wanted something more than casual. She was becoming obsessed with him, on a second thought,she was trying to play safe, she didn’t want to hear he was dating someone else. She became serious and dedicated.
Unfortunately, the feeling wasn’t reciprocated and she wasn’t comfortable with this back and forth situation. She was worried and eager to know what was happening and that it would be alot easier if she had communicated her feelings and what she wants at the same time didn’t want to sound desperate.
“If he likes me, he should be scared of loosing me but I think he’s avoiding the conversation or doesn’t want to commit to the relationship”, she thought. “He has showed intense care, I think he loves me… but the feeling should be reciprocated.”
Months later, nothing changed, “what are we really doing?” “Where will this go?” At this point, she was curious about their future, “what if he doesn’t want a relationship with me?” she wondered. “We need to know what we are doing, I should raise this conversation since he has not and perhaps we talk about becoming more serious”. She finally fixed a date, took out an entire day to prep and practice her speech and they met. Here’s what happened; he Said NO. By this time, it was rather too late because she was already too intimate with him and the guy was planning his marriage with his fiancé, she was really heartbroken and devastated.
The fulfillment that comes with discovering intense reciprocated feelings for another person is truly incredible. Assuming you are on the same page with your love interest without labelling it could cause one a heartbreak you may not recover from in a hurry. Defining a relationship is incredibly important because it validates the feelings you both have towards each other, you’ll also know what to expect from your partner. Another important thing about defining a relationship is that it saves you from unnecessary embarrassment and helps avoid one person getting too invested while the other doesn’t care.
Once you understand where you two stand, it gives you confidence and direction about what you are doing. Also, you tend to be more purposeful about your union. It is very necessary that you two are on the same page. This way, you are going to avoid heartbreaks, waste of time, resources and efforts. So my dear, if you have been a culprit, stop assuming and define what you’re doing. Thus. If it is casual, keep it casual, if it’s fun you want, make it fun, if it’s romance, let your partner know. It’s quite relieving to understand your boundaries, it saves you so much stress.
Understandably, it takes a tremendous courage to have this kind of conversation when the situation gets to this point. However, you need to take a step and set things straight. Knowing someone for a long time and yet being uncertain of where it is leading is not healthy. So, you need to grab the bull by horn, face your fears and do what you have to do. I wish that we will all build better and well defined relationships going forward rather than making assumptions.