I thought you loved me… you used to be so charming and nice to me, texting me almost every second of the day…..oh babe, you’re so nice, you’re beautiful, we are so compatible. Come meet my mom. Two months into the Relationship, Boom. The real narcissistic personality comes out. They are not able to regulate their emotions any longer. They become very angry quickly especially when they’re not getting their way, they become very hypersensitive to criticism. They literally doubts you on almost everything leaving you feeling like you’ve gone crazy.
Narcissistic partners are very captivating at the initial stage of a relationship and with time, the relationship becomes very challenging, how well do you know your partner? How well can you tell if they have these traits? Accordingly, There are certain things to look out for in your partner to conclusively tell he or she is narcissistic.
The term “Narcissism” is most times used in recent years without understanding it’s indept meaning. Let’s look at the meaning of narcissism.
What is Narcissism?
Narcissism as otherwise seen as Narcissistic personality disorders (NPD) by psychologist is defined as a trait that solely relates to insecurity, a pattern which is characterized by lack of empathy, controlling, arrogant, inability for one to manage any kind of disappointment, chronic validation seeking, feeling entitled, grandiosity, extremely self centered with some degree of selfishness. Study shows that there are 4 types of Narcissism and not all Narcissist are the same. For the purpose of this topic I may not want to go into that. Alot of people have either found themselves in relationships with such partners or encountered people who exhibit these tendencies.
Who Is A Narcissistic Partner?
Narcissistic Partner is an insecure person in a relationship who seem very charming and nice at the start of a relationship but later becomes that person who lacks empathy, feels entitled, always expecting special treatment to be given to them but nobody else, they’re very concerned about their appearance, very prone to throwing tantrums, with too much sense of self importance, they get angry very quickly especially if they don’t get their way.
How Well can you tell if your partner is a narcissist?
Ever noticed your partner liking and showing so much care at the beginning of the relationship and later declines as the likability decreases, they only tend to appreciate you when in need? They become highly self centered, Your value comes when you’re able to meet their needs, they get hurt and lash out easily, their only concerns are their goals and reputation, lacks empathy whereby your significant other should be loving. They are all about knowing how you feel about them. all about themselves. Desperately needing validation and adoration, Very controlling, watch their reaction toward criticism, do they over react? Are they very manipulative and defensive? Do they make you feel bad for ever speaking up? Are they the type that’s always on the “ I know more than you” side? Feeling too important, acting like they know more than their partner while their partner is always wrong? Projecting everything they can back at you leaving you feeling You’re not enough, Are they ready to sacrifice anything on the platter of their ego? With too much sense of entitlement? These are signs you should look out for in your partner, if you find these traits in them, it’s safe to say they may be narcissist.
Ultimately, Being in a relationship with a narcissistic partner takes alot of work and patience because they make you feel very special until these feelings start to shift , as soon as there are some stress in their system, maybe things not going as planned, work day didn’t go the way they want, kids behaving badly, they become manipulative, Gaslights you, egocentric, extremely self centered and you begin to blame yourself for their actions, you devalue yourself, you loose focus and self esteem.
Narcissistic partners projects issues or fault back unto their partners, they say things like, “you made me do what I did, you didn’t allow me to finish what I had to say, you interrupted me” . Once this happens, you may not want to confront them any longer, they dismiss you with that, they make you understand their point is more important than what you had to say. The point you’re trying to make at that point doesn’t make any sense. They make you look like you’re the controlling one while they are ,trying to make you feel you’re the one with the issue here, and you’ll just pull back and begin to apologize. This is exactly what they want ,they want you to feel you’re the one with the problem and not them. If you try to point their mistakes or remind them, maybe they forgot to pay some bills they promised, they will be like” because you’ve done it before, please face your problems.
People in this relationship always feel they’re not enough“ If I was enough, he wouldn’t cheat on me, if I was enough, he wouldn’t insult me, if I was enough, he would be present when I needed him, if I was enough he wouldn’t do this and that” These aching feeling of not being enough is one of those Signs you’re currently in a relationship with a narcissist, you keep making excuses for them , hoping they’ll change, but no matter how you try, they just make you feel you’re never enough. Oh please, just stop this, the truth is that it has nothing to do with you, they just can’t regulate their self esteem, they’re are now insecure, they now feel entitled, broken inside, they tend to protect it by all means, they feel no one is better than them.
Unfortunately, people with narcissistic personality often see nothing wrong with what they do, as such there’s no point for change in them, in as much as a narcissist cannot completely change, there are certain things they could do in hope to recovering such Relationship. Narcissistic partners should break out of the norm and focus on showing more empathy for others, they should care about how others feel, they should drop their ego, Stop thinking they are better than others, they should welcome critics as a step to their growth and reviving a narcissistic Relationship.