Being in a relationship with a partner who has Narcissistic personality disorders (NPD) can be emotionally, mentally and physically draining, it’s such an uncomfortable space to be for a person without these traits especially for persons who do not understand what they’re getting themselves into.
Narcissistic partners projects issues or fault back unto their partners, they say things like, “you made me do what I did, you didn’t allow me to finish what I had to say, you interrupted me” . Once this happens, you may not want to confront them any longer, they dismiss you with that, they make you understand their point is more important than what you had to say. The point you’re trying to make at that point doesn’t make any sense. They make you look like you’re the controlling one while they are ,trying to make you feel you’re the one with the issue here, and you’ll just pull back and begin to apologize. This is exactly what they want ,they want you to feel you’re the one with the problem and not them. If you try to point their mistakes or remind them, maybe they forgot to pay some bills they promised, they will be like” because you’ve done it before, please face your problems.
According to a psychologist, people who constantly displays atleast six of these elements in them could be seen to have a Narcissistic personality disorder. Check out these signs of a narcissistic Relationship to be sure you’re not into one.
1. Constantly Putting Others Down
Narcissistic partners are in the habit of constantly lowering their partner’s self-esteem because they want to increase theirs and this makes them feel powerful, they put you down, talk you down ,call you names, they start seeing problem in what you wear, eat and do and these will make you feel more anxious and less confident than you used to be.
2. Desperately In Need For Validation
As humans we like affirmation. A narcissistic partner is in constant need of praise and admiration. They desire and want their partners to always give them approval and attention whether they are right or wrong. They feel upset and worried when you disagree them on their choices. They tend to be more empathetic and playful with outsiders, but behind close doors they are horribly different, they never wish to wash their dirty linen outside.
They abuse you in such a way that you (might) begin to doubt and question your perception, you may begin to loose your mind thinking you’ve gone crazy. You no longer feel like who you used to be. Walking on eggshells as you never know what will get them upset. You find yourself apologizing often. They spin the truth and doubt your reality. If you try to remind them of something they said, they’ll deny “ I never said that” you may be forced to record every conversations with them.
4. No Empathy For Others
A narcissistic partner is never ready to understand what others go through. They don’t care about what their partner feels. However, they seem very Caring and nice at the start of the relationship. Once you disappoint them, they become very insensitive and do not care about what happens to you and so makes having a relationship with them very critical. They say and do things that hurt their partner not thinking or grasping the effect on them.
5. They Don’t Let Go Of Things Easily
They tell you about all the negative things they experienced while dating their Ex on your first date with them. I hope you Know that you may someday become an Ex.
6. They Overreact
They react horribly to criticism, sometime lash out on strangers. Someone who accidentally hits their car. Colleagues at work place. They overreact even when such incident don’t warrants this type of reaction.
7. They Rarely Admit When They Are Wrong
They tend to be very defensive even when they are wrong, they constantly fights their significant other and never apologies instead projecting all manner of blames to them. Accuses them for causing him to hurt your feeling, and even expects you to apologize.
Controlling is one of the key traits in a narcissistic relationship. They want to be with you every minute of the day, texting, showing so much love, dropping you off at work, once these feelings starts to shift, they even control you and not be interested in other aspect of your life, they start asking questions like “ where are you? Who are you with? Why are you not home?” it might get to a point in your life where you can’t move without seeking their permission, they do this till they finally breakup with you and by then they’ve found someone else , please note the difference between your partner being intrusive and romantic. Don’t mistake control for affection.
9. Entitled Behavior
They only care about their own needs. They believe they deserve the privilege for things they do, they feel overly important and expects special treatment from you. They never would want to wait on a queue. They feel they have the right to insult and yell at colleagues and even partners in any manner.
However, there are no concrete reasons as to why a person becomes a narcissist, but there are some issues that could lead to this, people with these traits were not born with them, according to psychologist, they’re made, and this falls largely on the shoulder of parents most time. there are lots of well intentioned parents who are narcissist with narcissistic kids, children learn by watching, when parents either overindulge or under indulge these kids, those entitled Behavior, parents screaming at their helps at home, lack of love for others, sometimes children from broken homes which were neglected and having no one to guide or direct them on the right path, they only relied on themselves.. Also, there are parents who don’t have these traits but with children with narcissistic disorder, these parents often treat others in a manner that they are superior to them, they have no regard for others simply because they have an edge over them even before their children, these children grow up and move through life expecting same treatment to be given to them. Unfortunately, their parents were focused on themselves or other things and couldn’t make out time for them or to correct them.
Consequently, you can train a narcissist to be a little more empathetic, to be less arrogant and probably listen to other people, as soon as they’re stressed, they tend to blow up again, they don’t maintain that Growth, they immediately go back to their original state.
Conclusively, if you find that your partner show these traits and obviously detracting from your life instead of adding to it, don’t try to change them because you won’t win that , you may eventually decide that it’s time to leave and that’s okay, if you must remain, learn how to manage your expectations, talk to someone, get a therapist, because you’ll be living a frustrated life. Stop giving them your power, don’t let them think they are your reasons for feeling sad or guilty, you’re only giving them power to manipulate you instead, own your feelings, set boundaries but know that not every relationship is worth saving.
I hope this helps