In life, the chances of avoiding disappointments or not meeting failure in one aspect or another is very slim and almost absent. At one point or another, things will not work out as perfectly or even close to what we envisioned.
In our present society where so many people engage in one form of love affair or another, some ugly experiences are associated with these affairs. A very common and prevalent one is seeing two individuals who had earlier professed undying love and loyalty to each other becoming total strangers and in some cases stark enemies.
Even when there are no enemies made, one parry becomes so deeply hurt by the actions of the other. This state of heartbreak can even go on to completely break the individual or result in some other negative tendencies.
Why is it that some persons never find healing when their love affairs go side wards? Why do people become so crushed that they never recover from heartbreaks? It is no longer just about a relationship breaking apart, it is now about the individuals getting damaged.
What factors prevent heartbroken individuals from finding healing?
Things do not just happen randomly. Almost everything has their causal agents and factors. Once a proper diagnosis is conducted then there is greater and better chances of finding remedy. So, let us look at what could possibly be holding back some persons after a relationship have been dissolved.
1. Inexperience And Denial
Though I do not intend to promote the concept of experience being the best teacher, it has its own credibility in some issues. Anyone who has not had the experience of being disappointed by a supposed lover will have more difficult time accepting the truth that things are not just as they were before they broke up. This will be more daunting if he or she was naive about some things that happens in a relationship. Though the magnitude of hurt for each relationship are always different, someone who has been heartbroken before will have better means of handling a breakup than someone who is totally new to it.
He or she might still be subtly hoping that the reality can be changed. Such a person will still want to be positive that a turnaround will happen even after several attempts at reconciliation have failed and significant time has passed.
2. Not Being Realistic
Objectivity usually evade those who are heartbroken. It is not like they become demented, only that emotions and feelings cloud their judgment and blind their minds from seeing things as they truly are. In this state, they cannot understand what happened and why things cannot work out anymore. They wishfully think that some how, things will reset themselves and get back to normal, so they hold on.
3. Too Much Investment
Wisdom is profitable in all we do. Don’t get it twisted, everyone need to contribute intentionally towards the sustainance of a relationship. However, we need to be wary of how much of ourselves we sacrifice to keep a relationship going. If you fall head over hills in love with someone and so you release yourself, your finance, your commitment, your emotions and all other inputs into the relationship, it will be so difficult to move on if such a relationship eventually ends. A little self preservation and the consciousness that things may not always work out is necessary for your own mental wellbeing.
4. Having Immature Minds
Some persons in a relationship are not mentally and emotionally mature enough to handle the throes it carries. Love is not for the fainthearted for as thrilling and mesmerizing as it is, so also is how piercing and shattering it can be. Accordingly, one who is not mature in thought and feeling will likely not be able to deal appropriately with a heartbreak and will not know the way forward.
5. Isolating Oneself
Whenever we come out and get burn or hurt, the very first line of action for most people is to recoil into our shells and crawl back into our holes. We don’t want to come out and feel the heat again. We don’t want to be hurt again. We want to be secure and less exposed to the chances of future heartbreaks. This strategy though seemingly safe, hinders our recovery and inhibits our healing process. We will not be able to forget the ugly past if we do not fill our minds with new memories.
6. Keeping Reminders
While not advising you to be erratic or volatile by destroying things of thrashing them rashly, for your mental and emotional health, you might need to put some stuff out of view. There are some items that take your mind directly to your ex. There are places that that will provoke memories, these are some of the things and places you need to avoid. Some of us can’t stand the pain and heartache that comes with these memories, as such, we need to steer very clear of these reminders if we hope to be able to move on.
7. Keeping Regular Touch With Your Ex
Time and distance are two very potent catalysts as well as inhibitors of love. Having more time and distance helps to build love. Conversely, having less time and distance together snuffs out the feelings and kills love. Keeping close contact with your ex does not help in anyway. It prevents you from freeing up your mind and forgetting them. Though this might be very tempting, we need to resist the urge to try and reach out to the ones responsible for our broken hearts no matter how much we still love and care for them. For the initial time, give yourself some space maybe subsequently, you can try reaching out once in a while.
Dealing with a heartbreak is not easy. People respond to this in different ways and with different reactions. Generally, we can agree that there are better ways of responding to than what most people do. Also, it is always better to accept a heartbreak for what it is and seek ways to move on properly.