Though it may not seem like such a big deal, entering into a relationship with so many gray areas is a sure recipe for disaster. If we all want to be frank, making unverified claims and assumptions has landed in more trouble over time than we would wish to forget.
I know that there are lots of things that we may sometimes take for granted, but in all sanity and wisdom, you should not toy with your’s or other’s emotional state.
Well, there are some of us who do not really value relationships. To some of us, we are into it for simply fun and pleasure. At times, we do not fully understand what it means to make a commitment to be with someone. Other times, to avoid the responsibility or the duties involved with contracting a relationship, we try to use the back door to enter into the union.
Mostly, to save ourselves the stress of wooing our ladies, we just go ahead to splash attention and affection around. For the ladies, so they won’t seem like pushing for too much or being too forward, they just accept the pseudo state of things and flow with the current. At times, there is a lot of confusion between closeness or getting intimate sexually and otherwise to being in a relationship.
Unfortunately, some persons have equated sexual experience to being together. There are people that being intimate means nothing to them, while others erroneously assume that because there have been intimacy then there is a relationship. In reality, there are boundless adverse outgrowths that may arise from doing this. In fact, a whole bunch of issues may pop up that may result in fatal consequences and tremendous pains.
Though some of us may choose to be indifferent and insensitive, it doesn’t mean we will be insulated from the hazards of assuming we are in a relationship when things have not been clearly stated. So what could really go wrong with us assuming that we are in a relationship when we have not made an express and intentional agreement to Relationship?
Some Dangers of Assuming Our Way into a Relationship Unconsciously, we some times engage in a relationship where our consent was not directly sought or given. Noteworthy is the fact that these negative effects may come from any of the partners whether the man or the woman. Essentially, we are setting ourselves up for trouble. Let us look at some of the banes of this practice.
1. It Serves As A Source Of Disrespect And Insult
We choose to start from this one which is most prominent. The mere fact that the other party did not care or does not still care to know what your mind is about hooking up together is an embryo of serious disrespect. In the long run, this will result in further disrespect and will precipitate greater insults and disregard. Not seeking your consent sets the tone for future negligence of crucial matters. It means he or she does not care about what you have to say and shows low opinion of you. Evidently, it is from disrespect that most of the other ones metamorphose from.
2. It Creates Room For Abuse
It is very possible that a man or woman who has not given a commitment verbally or otherwise to a union would see his or herself as doing the other a favour. With this feeling in mind, such a person would not view you as valuable as you are. Case of emotional abuse in terms of unrequited affections and attention may set in. In extreme cases, men use this as a premise to even physically harass such a lady. Reason is simple, you seem to be there on your own terms.
3. It Set’s The Stage For Disappointment
With nothing concrete on ground, one of the parties may decide to backtrack and rescind his or her contribution of emotions and other efforts to the supposed union. The guy can simply go after other ladies on the excuse that he has no contract with you. The girl may be seeing other men even if she is living with you or also going down with you. Sadly, even after years of being in this assumed union, one of the parties can just abruptly breakaway to hook up with someone else. Maybe one party was completely immersed in this and was having hopes of greater things, he or she might just be preparing for a great disappointment.
4. It Makes Cheating Very Excusable
Though he or she may really love you, an avenue for cheating is paved once proper agreement to date be together is not made. A pary in this kind of situation is equipped with enough excuses to go after other people. After all, he or she does not have a binding pact with you.
5. It Gives Room For Uncertainties
A whole mountain of issues can come from not having a plain agreement to be together. For starters you may not be able to clearly say you are in any kind of union with the other person. Secondly, there is no stated rule of engagement or expected pattern of behavior by these two parties. Serious vagueness is allowed to grow which can be so destabilizing and detrimental to the emotional well-being of the disadvantaged partner.
6. It Results In Lack Of Commitment
I could simply say that since I don’t know what you want with me and you have not told me what I should do and how I should do them, I can decide to not do anything at all. Not clearly stating a desire to be together leaves a big leverage for either of the parties to hold back their efforts and duties towards the other. Since they are are not bound by any conditions or terms, they interpret this s being freedom to do as it pleases.
7. It Suggests Undeserved Privileges And Rights.
Even without asking, a guy who has been with you for a while in whatever way begin to expect certain benefits and actions from the lady. Also, the lady starts to expect gifts, attention and care from a man she had probably known intimately or have been spending a whole lot of time and doing things with. If you happen to be spending time with a man, visiting and probably sleeping together though he hasn’t asked you out, soon he will want you to do his laundry, cook, clean and do other stuff. Also, a lady you have been calling up all frequently, hanging out with her, will soon want you to be taking care of her needs, shower her with care and attention and give her access to your whole life. So my dear friend, as we all can see, we have a lot to loose from assuming we are in a union with someone.
Thus, it is pertinent that we have an explicitly and expressly stated agreement before we launch into a relationship. Doing this would safe us a whole lot of trouble. We should be aware that there are acceptable ways of building a relationship. Even though we may not find a rule book for relationships, we know what constitute a functional approach towards a relationship. Stay safe and stay wise.