Most people today have acknowledged the importance and potency of love in human existence and interaction. It is generally accepted that love is a crucial ingredient in sustaining human existence. Sadly, there is a vital aspect of love which seems invisible to most of us. Not very many people understand that the primary recipient of attention, care and kindness is oneself. What am I driving at? Self-love. Truly, not very many people give thought to themselves.
Self-love simply means loving oneself. This concept refer to us having regard for ourselves and placing a high value and priority on ourselves. Accepting your strength, your weakness and everything in-between, embracing the uncertainty. How much do you love and accept yourself? Do you feel like other people are more important than you are? Do you sell yourself short in order to please someone else?
What Makes People Not love Themselves?
You might be wandering why someone will despise his or her own self. Yeah, it looks quite puzzling and perplexing but it is happening. A whole lot of people harbour very strong resentment towards self.
If you were to have a survey of just a few number of people, you will find out that most have atleast one or two things they don’t love about themselves which still gives them serious concern and pains. Some wittingly wish, they could simply be someone else. Why have we become so unsatisfied with ourselves? Why don’t we have self-love? Let us consider some possible reasons.
1. Living In Denial:
It is common for humans to try to avoid Sad realities. Maybe there is an uncomfortable fact lying ahead, we would do all it takes never to move forward to encounter it. Mostly, we prefer to deceive ourselves that some unpleasant truth is actually what it is. Maybe there are some defects we have spotted in ourselves physical or otherwise, we would rather shift such to the side-lines and pretend they don’t exist than accept them and look for ways to deal with them.
However, no matter how much effort we put in shielding this ugly reality about ourselves, we certainly know what the truth is. Unfortunately, this truth keeps hunting us. We become bogged down by the burden of our denial that we begin to hate ourselves. With this situation, self-love keeps moving very far away from our grasp.
2. Focusing On Your Weaknesses Rather Than Strengths:
We make self-love very difficult to accomplish when we give too much focus to our weak links and ignore our strong points. This subjection of oneself to negative scrutiny and appraisal develops strong animosity against oneself. The temptation to exaggerate our failures is very appealing and we most time fall for it. No one really loves substandard stuff. Once we have this low opinion of self, it is very hard to see why we can’t love ourselves.
3. Seeking Validation From Others:
All man for himself is a rather popular cliché. Quite disturbing is the fact that most of us have not come to see the truth in this. Bluntly speaking, not very many people have your time or your issue in their head. Thought there is always that pressure either from peers or other sources for us to blend with the group and position ourselves to be likeable. Once we fall for this trick, we loose a great deal of self will and become slaves to the society we have let influence us. The climax of this is that we may never find this approval and acceptance we so desire. With this direction of events, we become angry with ourselves for not being good enough, for not being able to fit in, for not being able to follow the trend. A great degree of resentment emanates from this and we blame ourselves for it.
4.Lack Of Focus, Self Development And Ambition:
Another potent inhibitor of self-love is the tendency to lose focus. The ability to concentrate on a particular task and finish it is both a huge motivating factor and a morale booster. If we keep our sight on future targets and pursue them earnestly, it becomes difficult for insignificant distractions to alter our course. As with a directionless life, we remain stagnated and fixed. There is very minimal self development. As such a man without focus and self development will surely have little or no ambition. No matter how positive such a person what want to be, his ambition can only go as far as his focus and self development. With these key factors lacking, it is no magic that such a person doesn’t sees much value in himself and as such has very little likeness for who he is.
Hence, love is developed from gradual likeness and then proceeds to much stronger feelings and emotions. Thus, the existence of militating factors such as the ones above makes it rather difficult for self-love to grow. Inadequacy, negativity and inefficiency are not traits that command much likeness if any at all.
Sadly, some of us exhibit one or a few of these bad conditioning and this drives the bar between us, self-love even deeper and firmer. Thankfully, we can come out of this ugly self and learn to love ourselves. You can read our subsequent posts on the issue to learn how this can be done.