Love is a great experience, it is something everyone should feel and enjoy, it is not special, the problem with idealizing love is that love causes us to develop unrealistic expectations about what love actually is and what it can do for us, A healthy relationship require more than pure emotions and passion to thrive and succeed. By now, we are aware that respect, humility and commitment toward people we care about are core values in a relationship, aside these, there are things more important in our relationship that hinges on the deeper and more important values and it’s why love is never enough in a relationship.
- Sacrificing Yourself For Love
In a loving relationship, it’s normal for both persons to sacrifice their desires, but what exactly are you sacrificing? Is it worth it? Don’t sacrifice your self respect, your ambition, your dignity and life’s purpose just to be with someone , a loving relationship is supposed to supplement our individual’s identity and not damage or replace it, if you find yourself in a relationship were you’re tolerating disrespectful or abusive behaviour, this definitely mean you’re allowing your love to consume you and that shouldn’t be the case.
Love doesn’t equal compatibility, love is an emotional process while compatibility is a logical process, falling in love with someone doesn’t mean they are good partner for you to be with in a long term, it’s possible to fall in love with persons who doesn’t respect or reciprocate what you do for them, like what you like, share common purpose with you, think or see things in line with you, you can fall in love with persons who has different ambition of life goals that’s contradictory to your own or people who believe in what you don’t believe in, people who’s dreams clashes with your own sense of reality. Many people go into relationships on the basis of emotions, they felt that spark and dove, when looking for a relationship your mind should do the greater part of the job not your heart, allow your mind to guide you here.
Make sure he/she is your best friend because they are times were love is obviously not enough to fuel the relationship, one gets tired of the other and may even think of quitting but that friendship bond will ignite the relationship back, time spent together should be like it’s with your best friend, you shouldn’t tolerate what you wouldn’t if it was your best friend, be kind, compassionate to one another just like you would do to your best friend.
4. Love Doesn’t Solve Our Relationship Problems
Prior to this time, I was of the opinion that love conquers all, that love makes things work untill it dawned on me then I realized it’s totally not enough, in my last relationship of about 4 years, I and my partner were madly in love with each other, we lived in different cities and couldn’t see ourselves due to our busy schedules for about two years but that didn’t matter to us at the initial stage so didn’t stop us from communicating as much times as we want, we were really intentional about this aspect of our lives and never missed proclaiming our love for each other as at the time, our families knew about our commitment for each other.
Fast forward to when our problems started, everything was smooth and sweet untill later, we started arguing and disagreeing over trivial issues, arguments that affected our communication, we would some how make up, get back and remind ourselves that it won’t happen again, that everything will be great once more, yet nothing changed. I thought to myself that since we loved each other so much, things would improve for the better.
The arguments got worse to a point we had serious communication barriers, we kept drifting apart and this continued for some time, I thought to myself, these things are trivial issues and could be fixed because the love was there and I believed love conquers all, he would be able to understand my excuses and reasons for the arguments, unfortunately, that wasn’t the case, the relationship crashed and the breakup was ugly, after investing my time, wisdom, energy, instead of the relationship to progress,it was drifting apart, we couldn’t move things forward, but the truth is while love may make you feel better about your relationship problems, it doesn’t actually solve any of them.
Love is not scarce, think about your dignity, self respect, ability to trust, these things are scarce, there may be many potentials of getting loved, but once you loose your self respect, you may never get it back. Don’t let love define you, your identity or purpose, don’t get consumed with love, don’t sacrifice your identity or self-worth for love, once this happens you loose love and yourself, we definitely need more than love. Of course love is a beautiful thing, it’s necessary but never enough to sustain a relationship.