When a couple in a relationship decides to marry, preparations are always in high gear to ensure that the wedding is a success. For inexperienced couples, they may go as far as seeking advice from professionals, their loved ones, priests, elderly relatives, and even parents on the journey they’re about to embark on, and you’ll hear things like “Don’t allow a third party in your marriage ooh.” Don’t disagree with your husband when he speaks (for females,lol), don’t discuss your marital problems with strangers, and so on.
In either cases, these may be with positive intentions. When all is said and done, the marriage kick starts or gets underway. The union of these two most frequently starts well before conflict occurs, at which point the possibility of bringing in a third party becomes a viable option.
In reality, third-party participation in a relationship has become a hot topic in the media. The issues surrounding the concept of third parties have sparked heated debates and confrontations. Those on one side argue that a successful relationship cannot exist without a third party, while those on the other side believe that by discussing their problems with others, they will find solutions.
On the other hand, others argue and advise that no mention of a third party should be made at any level of involvement in a relationship. Whatever the case may be, I will address the subject critically without discrimination.
In the sense of a partnership, a third party is someone other than the two people involved who has access to the relationship’s information and some control over the union’s decisions. This may be a family member, acquaintance, coworker, or neighbor of the couple.
During a survey conducted, a number of couples shared their experiences with me, outlining the implications and triggers of third-party intervention in relationships. Third parties, according to one of them, are a complete no-no; in fact, if you aren’t mature enough to handle the responsibilities of a partnership and/or marriage, you have no business being in one. When it comes to those who say pastors, how many times have we heard of families being split up because “my pastor said so”? A counsellor or therapist will be best, just make sure he or she isn’t involved in either of the pair. Keep your private matters private between you and your partner. It makes no difference whether you have reliable friends or family members. Consult a licensed and trained therapist/counselor if the heat becomes intolerable. Before giving guidance, they are taught to listen to both sides honestly and without prejudice.
On the contrary, any couple requiring a third party in some form or another, and this third party must be someone that the couple trust who can mediate when things go wrong, and must leave when the job is completed.
However, I’m not trying to downplay the importance of a third party in a relationship/marriage; in situations where one person is being physically abused, it’s critical to seek help right away rather than suffer in silence. Could be a mentor, but we must be careful who we choose to mentor us because the majority of them have the potential to destroy our home(s). Anyone who comes in this capacity should be viewed as a blessing, as they are coming to assist in the restoration of the home.
The question now is: what value can a third party add to dispute resolution?
A credible third party brings objectivity to the table that the partners in some issues may have lost due to their personal attachments and sentiments about the issues. It’s possible that the partners won’t be able to assess a specific problem based on its merits and logic. A third person can act as an outlet for bottled-up, sucked-in feelings; he or she allows you to express yourself without being biased, and pent-up emotions can be exchanged, providing great relief to partner.
Conclusively, it is entirely your duty to decide how much of a third party you require in your relationship, it seems no relationship/marriage ever survives without one. As such, it seem we all need them, but there are a few things to bear in mind.
1. Establish boundaries: Don’t give them a home, and clearly state the extent to which they should be involved in any issues. Keep in mind that no one’s opinion is more important than yours and and your spouse regardless of the relationship you have with the person (third party)
2. Respect your spouse’s viewpoint: Don’t let anyone influence your relationship; third-party input is valuable, but shouldn’t overshadow your spouse’ opinion.