One of the most difficult phases in relationships is that phase where you have to come to terms with your partner and bare it all to them about how you have lived your life in time passed. It is especially difficult if you are not very proud of your past, you probably do not want to go through the pain, anger or shame that may come along with remembering them.
Some people try to lock it all away forever and act very defensive when anything that concerns the past it brought up for discussion. These set of people defend their actions by guilt tripping their partner that the past does not matter and should never be brought up or even talked about.
The question that begs for answer here remains, if the past does not matter that much, why keep it a secret in the first place? Obviously something becomes a secret when it means a lot to someone and they wouldn’t want anyone knowing of their existence or history.
However a partner is not just anyone but someone who you are either spending your entire life with or hoping to do so. If they are not trusted enough for you to tell them the bitter truth about yourself or your past, why then are they your partner in the first place? What makes them your partner is that they know things about you that every other person probably doesn’t and they do things with you that every other person do not.
Forgetting about the past does not mean you should not come clean with them to your partner. In my opinion, it means after you have bared it all to them, depending on how deep it goes, they may need time to process it (without condemning or judging you), then should they continue with the relationship, they may never bring it up again or use it against you for whatever reason at all.
Imagine dating a person for so long or being married for some time and suddenly discovering something deep about them you never ever thought could come into the picture at all. Adding to it, you heard it from a third party or as a gossip somewhere. He or she could hide such a thing from you after everything you may have been through together. They couldn’t trust you enough to entrust such with you?
Only be sure you are telling the right partner before you go ahead and spill. The relationship should at least reach a point of seriousness if the past is that deep, means a lot to you or could defame your person if it blows open. Talk to your partner about your past no matter what it contains, only then should it be forgotten and consequently not matter.