Marriage is a dream come true for many, the joy of finally settling with that one person that not only melts your heart but compliments and makes you smile effortlessly is incomparable.
However dating is not marriage and a lot of things happen over time within the four walls of that institution called marriage. A lot of people concentrate on “how they feel” rather than “how would they feel”, hence the rising cases of divorce.
No person can figure it all out before taking the leap and insisting on doing so may keep you single forever. However there are important boxes you must check to make sure you are more on the safe side. Below are 6 of them:
1. Temperament: You can’t possibly tell me that with all the stories of domestic abuse you have been hearing and reading, you won’t check how your partner reacts when put under serious pressure and stress. That would be a very big mistake! How violent is he or she? How do they react to a lost luggage or cheating suspicion? Never overlook their anger pattern, you may live to regret it.
2. Change: Yes Change! You have to realise and accept that people change. Situations and conditions have a big effect on individuals over time. You may have met them in one condition and they were consistent in that, things could flip tomorrow they be become a different person from what you used to know. Accepting this fact and adjusting to changes is key to a successful marriage.
3. Mental Balance/How They Think: Call it intelligence, Wisdom, good thinking, whatever, just don’t forget to check how your partner thinks and reasons in general. How do they plan for tomorrow? what are their choices when they get to spend money, Invest or lavish? How about their mental strength, what do they do and how do they react in face of crisis and situations of big decisions, reason or rant? The way a person thinks is more important than how they look or the money in their pocket, don’t learn this thie hard way!
4. Finances: A lot of people may argue about this but it is very important, especially for a long term union like marriage. Hopefully very soon it won’t just be only the two of you, babies will join the family. How will they be fed and taken care of? As time goes on, the family expands, bigger space may be needed, more food, healthcare etc. I am not saying look out for Dangote or Otedola but let there be a source of income that you plan around at least, with the hope of growing tomorrow. Very important!
5. Sex/Intimacy: We can’t possibly talk about marriage and exclude this lol. That is like taking out all the blood that runs in a human and expect them to still be alive. You need to know your partner’s definition of intimacy, what does sex mean to them? Forget all you read or heard about guys/girls and how many you may have been with in the past. You could last 3 hours on bed, have all the bed skills and still be a terrible sex partner to your own spouse. Sometimes intimacy is individual and sex is personal. You may not understand the amount of damage sex can do to a marriage until you experience one, don’t wait till that time!
6. Love/Respect: When I say love, I don’t mean between the two of you, I know you already love each other and can’t wait to be together, please chill! What about his or her family, does he or she also show love to them? This is important because after the wedding, your family comes into the picture too and may face same treatment. How about the neighbors, does he or she respect them too? The waiter at the restaurant, did he or she show them love or are you the only one he or she is loving and respecting, forsaking all other? One day, after the whole frenzy of love and sex may have cleared, you will be like every other person to them, what becomes your fate?
So guys here you go. I am not saying the above listed guarantees a successful marriage but it will go a long way in helping if you consider them. The choice is still yours in the end and which ever way you decide to go, I wish you all the joy and happiness in the world.