So many times I have heard people complain about how they got into a relationship, got used and then dumped for no reason. Other times i hear people complain about how their partners refused to do this or that for them and the relationship ended badly. Then they later start screaming “men are scum”, “women are not trustworthy” all over the internet. This is not to say that one can not be deceived into doing what he or she would not have done if they knew the truth or that there are no scum men or women out there but many times we fail to do the first things first.
Many times when we see a person we like or love, we do not take a moment to get to know them, allow them time to know us and our expectations, get to know theirs too before jumping into a relationship with them. Before the relationship gathers momentum, they have started making attempts at sex or we already jumped into bed with them. After a while we heap all our hidden expectations on them, one party is eager to get things rolling, the other is reluctant and the scum song begins.
This is in no way trying to say that immediately you meet a person you should start asking them questions hurriedly, no. But before a relationship gathers steam and sacrifices made, you should define the relationship properly. Clearly state your mind, what you want want from the relationship on the short and long term, what you expect of your partner etc. This does not mean you are desperate, no! It only means you respect yourself and them enough to want to know their expectations and limits and then keep to it or if you can’t, leave.
Have some respect for yourself and define that relationship before you start. If you want a serious relationship that will lead to marriage, say it and if it seems they can’t give you that, walk. If you just want fun or sex, say so. If they can’t afford to do that, find another. If you don’t want sex in the relationship until a while or marriage spell it out boldly and if they keep disturbing for it after the agreement, leave before you get forced, don’t say “i love him” and cry later. If it’s just friendship you need define it that way and let them accept it because these days some people can be dating you without your knowledge, meanwhile in your mind, you are just very good friends.
Finally, define what you want from someone before you give them your heart, body and all, respect your self enough to do so. Some people are in a “let’s see as it goes” relationship status, they don’t know if they are dating, engaged or just a sex toy. Don’t be like them. Respect yourself to avoid stories that touch!
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